I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize