Where is the hickey?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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