Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
