Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i need some magic done to my vagina
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
