remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
