I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
