Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
