; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
