sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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