I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
