Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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