oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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