you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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