please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
