this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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