She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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