Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
