he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
