it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
