so explain again why im purple
no
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize