That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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