I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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