what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
