Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
