Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
