when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
