Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
