The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
