Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize