First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
