I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
