i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
