Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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