its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
