I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
