In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
