I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
