shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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