I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize