Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they're like a gay fantastic four
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
