I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
