I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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