Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
