is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
