If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is Oprah even human
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
