I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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