Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
