Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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