Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize