oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
