i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
