3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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