Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize