we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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