he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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