I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
