Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
