in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
