hotel room ftw
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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