I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
