sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
