allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize