He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
