8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
