I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
