...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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