All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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