i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is my gift to your gina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
