I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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