I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
