He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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