I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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